A Nun Grading Papers

A Nun Grading Papers

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!  PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. 

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.  THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.   THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND  ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. 

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. 

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE  RED  SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. 

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO  MOUNT  CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. 

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED  CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE  BATTLE OF GERITOL. 

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. 

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 

18.  ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. 

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24.  ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

It Can Always Grow Back

My motto about hair – It can always grow back.  I’ve used this motto everytime I’ve done anything adventurous with my hair.  I’ve had my hair permed straight twice.  Color weaved in – only to turn my hair orange, mangled bangs, home-done haircuts.  You name it, I’ve probably had it.

The first time, the stylist over processed it and my hair was soooooo messed up.  First it was like rubber where it would stretch.  Then it broke off at the scalp as I ran my hands through it.  This attempt at having my hair permanently straightened was because I had just had my first child and wanted no fuss hair.  Well I ended up getting much to fuss about hair.  I waited about one and a half months and then went to a very expensive stylist (who I trusted) and she cut my hair really short so that I’d have less damage to fuss about.

The second time I had my hair straightened it was done ala the Brazilian blow-out.  The guy that did this perm (which was about 10 years after the first attempt) was highly recommended.  My hair looked so beautiful, healthy and straight… for about a week.  Then after that as my hair grew out, it had a crimp in it near the scalp where the perm started.  I still had to put in a good amount of work in my hair to make it look decent and it felt like straw.  To say I wasn’t pleased is an understatement.  Did I blame the stylist?  No.  Because I was lucky enough to have a head that just rather be wild then tamed.

Needless to say, I also had my hair chopped off the first chance I could.  The shortest I went during this adventure was about an inch short all around.  But I made that pixie work. 

My hair also doesn’t like color in it.  Every time I’ve tried to do something trendy to my hair – you know highlights, lowlights, peek-a-boo, full head color (but lighter) - my hair just turns orange: like a bad peroxide job.  I’m Hispanic and orange is not a good color for me.  I mean really… it is neither a winter nor a summer color.

But again, it will grow out.  I think my ability to just adjust is the fact that my dad used to cut my hair when I was in high school.  He used to be a barber in the Navy and believed that cutting civilian hair would/should be easy.  One benefit of him cutting my hair was that I could tell him the crazy cuts I’d want and he’d attempt to cut it.  If it didn’t come out well, “it would just grow back.”   The downfall was that he never cut my hair right and it always took about 2-3 hours to cut my hair. 

Well, now I’ve done it again.  I had a special request to grow my hair out.  In my attempt to do this, I’ve been taking 5,000 mg of biotin everyday.  My hair has grown wonderfully too!  But now I come to my disappointment.  It has nothing to do with my hair growth.  See, I started to develop welts on my scalp.  They were scab like at first and then became open sores.  At first I thought it was my wonderful WEN.  I cried out to WEN to ask if they had hyper allergenic conditioning creams.  Sadly they don’t.  So, I stopped using my WEN for a few days, but noticed that my welts weren’t going away.  I shouted from the roof tops because it wasn’t my beloved conditioning cream.  But then what could it be?  It couldn’t be the biotin could it?  Well I did some research and found out that the highest dosage a person should even take is 2,500 mg.  What?!?  Then why do they sell the stuff in the higher dosage??? 

I did some research and discovered that some people get acne.  Nope I don’t have acne, but I am prone to rashes all the time.  And… let’s not forget that my hair is very sensitive.  So, by simple deduction I realized that the Biotin is wreaking havoc to my head.  I’ve since stopped taking it.  I’ve also been applying a topical cream on all the battle wounds and Neosporin every chance I get.  They are subsiding and drying out.  That is a good sign. 

I’m resigned to the fact that I can only color my hair black, and never try to style my hair in any style other than curly.  I’m okay with that.  And if I change my mind in the future, it can always grow back.

Guilty Pleasures

Today I found a recipe for a pancake that I used to make a long time ago.  It’s not your run of the mill pancake, but a giant whopping pancake that takes over an entire cast iron skillet and kinda looks like an overgrown crepe.  Oh… it was so divine and I always felt like was a little elite being able to make my New Orleans French toast with a cream cheese butter and raspberry jam and my skillet pancake.  How decadent they both were.  (Currently, my mouth is salivating in anticipation, but my eyes are crying because I’m not making either in the near future.)

Well it got me to think about my most favorite guilty pleasure.  And for the family members that are reading this no… it’s not Kraft mac-n-cheese, nor is it fried tortillas with sour cream and salt.  It’s the Romano Bread Puffs.  They were sold at Numero Uno.  They were like a sweet bread dipped in garlic butter and then rolled in romano cheese (powder).  They were what I looked forward to on those rare occasions that the parental unit could afford to take us out to eat.  Yeah, I didn’t need steak and lobster to be impressed.  Just some Romano Bread Puffs.  Good times…  I’ve been trying to find the recipe, but am still at a loss.  If any of my stalkers have the awesome formula to recreate these pieces of heaven, please pass it on.  Please, please, please…

Any of you have a guilty pleasure from your childhood that you wish you could still enjoy – or heck – still enjoy?

Exercise Is Still Not My Friend

Exercise is still the enemy, but I’m much friendlier with it now.  No… I’m still not losing weight, but I’m not fighting it now.  I’ve also been giving a half-ass attempt at exercise.  Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t outright ignored exercise all together, but I can honestly state that until last week, I wasn’t giving it my end-all either.  Now I am.  I don’t think I’ve hit rock bottom yet, but I have personal reasons for pursuing the weight loss.  No… I’m not going to die and no, my man isn’t going to break-up with me either.  But my reason is priceless.  I have a long term goal of 60 – 70 lbs in one year.  My immediate goal is 5-10 lbs in one month. 

I weigh myself every morning, but I’m aware that my weight is going to fluctuate.  So, I’m more focused on how my clothes fit me – or more importantly, how my ring fits my finger.  Right now it’s shoved on and I need a little water to take it off. 

I’ve pulled out all the stops too!  I don’t have any junk food in the house.  I’ve actually been exercising everyday by either, walking on the treadmill, doing Zumba in my house, exercising with my WII or just dancing like a fool while watching TV.   I’ve also been to the doctor to complain about the breathing issues I have while exercising and during the night or even when I laugh… yes laugh!  It appears that I have Broncho Spasms.  Finally a name for it!  It is very similar to Asthma.  So, I’ve been given some allergy medicine to take every morning and an inhaler to use right before I exercise and OH. MY. GOSH.  Now I get tired from exercise and not from the lack of air I get into my lungs.  The first day I exercised for 30 minutes straight was like the first day I ever felt truly happy.  It was very foreign, but wonderful at the same time.  Imagine the possibilities now.  Actual chance to lose weight with exercise. 

On another note, I’m aware that I haven’t been checking in over here as frequently as I should.  See I discovered Pinterest and realize that it really does help me describe who I am in a very visual way.   It’s like my friend Candice stated, once you get invited into it, you become addicted. 

I’m also very much like that dog in the Disney Pixar movie  UP.  All you have to do is say squirrel and I instantly become distracted.  I’ve been told that I do not have ADD, but my actions say otherwise. 

Pinterest

I've discovered Pinterest.  My friend Candice was right.  It is very addicting.  If you want to know my style, check me out and follow me here.  I'm much more interesting in picture than in writing.  I swear!